Spiritual Summer
A novel by Nori J. Muster
Chapter Nine
In the morning Sandy woke up early and went to the temple to attend the installation ceremony for the statue of Swamiji. She watched from the women's balcony as devotees chanted and read their eulogies. All morning long she watched Jeff, who sat attentively near the front listening to the readings. The atmosphere was sad, since the devotees were remembering their departed guru. Sandy felt that everyone in the room was crying; the devotees because of their guru, she because of loosing Jeff. The readings continued until noon, then there was solemn chanting for an hour.
At one o'clock the ceremonies ended with a feast served outside on the lawn. Sandy went to the feast and kept seeing Jeff all day, but tried to avoid him. She didn't want to talk to him anymore, so she went back to Prana's apartment.
Inside, she unrolled her sleeping bag and stretched out to rest. After several minutes of staring at the ceiling, she pulled out her airline ticket. Sitting up to lean against the wall, she stared at the ticket. Maybe I should have used this ticket instead of coming here, she thought, turning it over in her hands. I could have avoided so much pain. She tapped the ticket on her knee and looked at it again. Looking around the familiar room, she felt a sudden reluctance to leave. But maybe it's better to have had the experience and suffered, as Jeff suggested, than to have spent the summer bored at home. She tossed the ticket in her bag and got up to start packing.
Once packed and ready to leave she realized she would remember this place. She pulled her backpack onto her shoulders reluctantly and left Prana's apartment for the last time. Outside she heard the familiar sound of bells coming from the temple, so she took a few minutes to go inside and pay her respects before leaving. The temple still looked freshly painted and bright. Devotees had the ladders out again and were busy removing wilted flower wreaths and decorations left over from the festival a few days before. The new Swamiji statue sat regally on his golden throne. She made a wish, or a prayer, and glanced around the room to remember it. Outside again, she surveyed the temple street. Devotees walking on the sidewalks, chanting on their beads; children playing on the lawn. She walked into Prana's office.
"You're all ready to go?" Prana asked, standing up from her desk.
"I wanted to stop by and thank you for everything," Sandy said. She turned to leave, but Prana stopped her.
"Let me get you a lift to the airport," Prana said. "I'm sure I can get the Mercedes if I can find the driver."
"No, no, that's okay. I'll take the shuttle. You don't have to,"
"It's no problem. I think I can get the driver on the phone. Anyway, Nada Swami's out of town, so I'm sure we can use it."
"I shouldn't ride in the Mercedes," Sandy said. "That's Nada Swami's car,"
"Come on, take the Mercedes," Prana insisted. "Forget about riding in the shuttle with Das Anu Dasa. You've already made the poor guy agitated enough. Give him a break."
Sandy took a deep breath. "So you knew all along."
"You are easy to read, Sandy. Come on, I'll go with you. Let me make a phone call and run back to the apartment for something. You wait outside."
Sitting on the concrete steps in front of the green building, Sandy tried to collect herself. How long had Prana known? Maybe it is better this way, going in the Mercedes instead of the van, she thought. She had already said goodbye to Jeff and didn't want to go through it again. While she waited, the Mercedes pulled up and parked in front of the building. She noted the driver's saffron clothes, shaved head, and ponytail. Sandy wanted to remember the image. The Krishnas chauffeuring her to the airport in their guru's Mercedes-Benz would make a humorous story to tell her parents when she got home.
"You leaving now?"
She looked up in surprise. Jeff was standing beside her.
"I heard you're going today," he said.
"Oh, Jeff, I mean Das Anu Dasa."
"Just call me 'Das,' everyone else does."
"Das, I'm leaving. I'm on the way to the airport."
"I wanted to see you," he said. He seemed to tower over her, leaning on the railing and blocking the sunshine from falling on her.
"What are you doing here? Won't someone see us talking?"
"I don't care anymore," he said. "Everyone already knows. They don't know everything and they won't find out, either. But I'm not going to pretend to save my reputation by letting you just get away."
"Everyone knows?"
"The guys were teasing me about you this morning. They said you would be leaving today. They asked if I was going to give you a ride."
Her heart raced. If only--but it was too late. "Prana got me a ride already," she said, pointing toward the Mercedes. Jeff looked over and the driver lifted his hand and nodded. Jeff waved back; they obviously knew each other.
"So you can't turn down a chance to ride in the big car."
"It's not that. It's Prana. She insisted. She knows about us, too."
"I guess the story is out," Jeff said, still standing over her. "That's how it is in this community, everyone poking their noses into your business."
"What's going to happen to you?"
"Who knows," he said, sitting down next to her. "I don't care. All I can think about is how much I'm going to miss you. I've gotten kind of used to having you around."
"But it can't be, Jeff."
"I'm asking you one last time, Sandy, please stay here. Don't go."
"And I'm asking you, Jeff, come with me. There's no future for you here."
"But there's nothing out there, either."
"Sure there is. You're young. There are lots of things you could do. Even if you can't go to school, you could get a job in Santa Barbara and we could see each other."
"No, don't even think it. I can't."
"Then we have to let each other go."
"I can't do that either."
"I had to let you go when you got initiated."
"But getting initiated was something I had to do before I could get married. I thought you would be happy."
"No, no, why? We can't get married if I'm in Santa Barbara and you're here." She felt her heart beating hard. "It doesn't make sense. You're hurting me."
"I don't mean to."
"Then just tell me you're going to leave the temple."
"Now you're hurting me."
She tried not to cry, or at least not let Jeff see her cry. She looked down at her luggage, letting her hair hide her face.
"Prana's going to be coming soon," Sandy said. "She'll tell Nada Swami we were talking."
"You're not going to change your mind, are you?"
Sandy turned her head down again for a moment and then looked straight at Jeff. "What makes you want to stay here?"
"I've dedicated my life. They need me," he said, pausing. "This is the only place I can be happy. The material world is a frightening place."
"It's not as bad as you think," she said.
"Well anyway, even though you won't stay, I want to give you this to remember me." He placed a thin gold band on Sandy's finger. "It was my grandmother's."
Sandy looked at it. "Thank you, but how can I?"
"It's for you, even though you won't stay. You're the only one I've ever wanted to give it to." He took her hand and admired the ring. "Please remember me. I'm sorry things didn't work out."
Sandy clutched his hand. "Maybe there's still a way."
"No, it's too late. I better be going. I won't forget you."
As he walked away Sandy saw Prana coming down the sidewalk with a manila envelope in her hand.
"I've got something for you," Prana said, waving the envelope. "Let's go."
They got in the back seat of the car and the driver took off. Sandy looked out the back window as they drove away from the community, making a right turn onto the boulevard. She could see the top of the temple building for several blocks. She looked at the ring and then covered it with her right hand. The seats of the Mercedes were deep and comfortable and the driver played a chanting tape on the car stereo, blocking out any street noise.
"The time has gone so quickly," Sandy said, turning to the thin, sari-clad woman sitting next to her.
"Cheer up. You'll get over him."
They rode along in silence. Then Sandy said, "I hope I wasn't too much of a disruption."
"Don't be silly. You worked hard."
"I mean about Das. If I distracted him."
"He'll get over it. Besides, it was nothing."
To Prana it was nothing! Great; that meant she could change the subject. The driver would probably tell Jeff everything later, anyway, so the less said the better.
"The festival was great," Sandy said. "And thanks for getting me that job. I liked working with the artists."
"You did a lot of service."
"But it was fun, not like work." Sandy didn't know what else to say.
"I have a present for you," Prana said, handing Sandy the manila envelope.
Sandy pushed back the flap of the envelope and took out five color photos of the Ratha-yatra festival.
"My husband took these," Prana said. "We wanted you to have them. They'll help you remember your stay here."
Sandy looked at them one by one. The first picture showed the decorated carts, just before the parade. The next showed the parade in progress, with elephants; then one of her pulling the rope during the parade. The third and fourth pictures were of the festival site and Nada Swami on the festival stage. The last picture, of men putting up the festival stage, showed Jeff in one corner, working with some other men.
"They're beautiful," Sandy said, looking at all of them again, before putting them back in the envelope.
The two women talked about the festival and other things all the way to the airport. When the Mercedes parked at the curb, Prana jumped out to help Sandy with her bags. She embraced Sandy, saying, "My little spiritual sister." Sandy said goodbye and walked toward the building. Inside, she turned to watch the Mercedes drive away. She went to the counter to exchange her ticket.
Waiting at the gate, she took out a notebook and started to write, "Dear Jeff. . ." Then she wondered if it was even possible to send him a letter, since all the mail came to the same temple address. Maybe her letter would fall into the wrong hands and get him in trouble. She stared at the blank page for a moment and then at the ring. Why was I so stubborn? she wondered. Maybe I could have stayed at least a little while longer. She thought of his words to her on the steps. She wondered if it was fair of her to build up the relationship, making him risk his reputation, and then simply leave at the end. Maybe I should have stayed, she thought.
She looked up from the notebook and noticed some Krishna Center women approaching people in the walkway. Even though they were dressed in Western clothes, she could picture them in their saris. She recognized both of them, but what were their names? She thought deeply, but those Indian names were difficult. Oh, yes, she remembered, they are Radha and Devi. Devi had just been initiated along with Jeff. She hesitated to go over and say hello, because she wasn't sure if they knew her. But then one of the women spotted her and waved. They walked over.
Sandy stood to greet them.
"Did you come to meet Nada Swami?" Radha asked. "He'll be coming in a few hours."
"No," Sandy said.
"Why are you here then? Are you flying somewhere?"
"Yes, it's time for me to go home."
"You're not staying at the temple?"
"No, I have to start school in about a week."
"School? What do you want to go to school for? Why don't you stay here at the temple?"
"How could I stay?"
"Aren't you going to miss the temple?" Devi, the younger, newly initiated woman asked.
"Maybe."
"Where's your school?" Radha asked, dropping her heavy book bag to the floor.
"It's in Santa Barbara, but I have to go home first."
"That isn't too far away. You can still visit."
"I'll see how school goes. Maybe I can."
"If you visit you can stay in our ashram," Devi said.
Sandy heard the boarding call and said, "I have to go now, that's my plane."
"Are you sure you can't wait and see Nada Swami? All the book distributors from the whole airport are going to meet his plane."
"It's okay. You offer him a flower for me. I have to go."
The women looked at each other as if to say, "It's no use, let's get back to work." They said goodbye and left. Sandy gathered up her luggage and got in line. She looked at the ring again, feeling resolved about her decision. She wondered if the whole summer would just fade into a memory once school started.
