(circulated on the internet - read these & think)
These Bush jokes go back in time, with newest jokes at the top. Older jokes are transferred to the archive. If a search engine or a link brought you to this page and you don't see the jokes you're looking for, go to the Bush joke index at our archive: click here.
AL-QAIDA ENDORSES BUSH FOR PRESIDENT
The al-Qaida terrorist organization announced it will throw its support to George W. Bush for President of the United States. In a taped message, leader Osama bin-Laden stated that "since Bush invaded Afghanistan and Iraq, our membership has increased by 350%, revenues have jumped by 450%, and we've expanded our business operations to fifteen new locations, including the Phillipines, Indonesia, and southern Thailand. We're franchising faster than Starbuck's! Prior to the invasions, we struggled to position ourselves in the global marketplace. Now that our branding is solid within our niche market, the Muslim youth between the ages of 0-25, we envision continued explosive growth, especially with another four years of Bush in the White House."
Bin-Laden cited recent events that have spiked support for al-Qaida. "The bombing of Fallujah, and the Abu Ghraib prison scandal gave us a huge lift in our Spring membership drive. And we've been able to diversify our portfolio of terror, from suicide bombings to kidnappings to beheadings, without compromising brand loyalty within our niche market. Bush's policies have spread support for the anti-American rage of the Muslim world, and we are immensely grateful. George W. Bush is by far our best recruiting weapon."
How does Osama account for the contribution of the Bush Administration to al-Qaida's rapid business expansion? "Well, we've maintained cordial family ties to the Bush family for two decades now," bin-Laden waxed warmly.
Does bin-Laden plan to stump for Bush on the campaign trail? "I would love to, but I don't think it would be very beneficial. Besides, I can be much more effective for Bush while reclusing in the mountains and plotting more terror. Fear is what we hope will keep George Bush in office."
Subject: Solidarity
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 17:38:30 -0700
There are less than three months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The man elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.
To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.
If you support the policies and character of John Kerry, please drive with your headlights on during the day.
If you support President George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights off at night.
Thanks for your Support!!
[Editor's note: The next one isn't a joke, but rather kinda sad. Look it up.]
Subject: If only W had read his Daddy's book
Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 15:58:18 -0700
At least one of the Bushes had bright enough people around him to have thought through the quagmire of Iraq. Of the many questionable, short-sighted and outright dangerous things done by this administration, history may well remember this war as the most ill-advised.
We all know he doesn't read much, but the least he could have done is spoken to his dear old Dad. Think of all the lives, international relations and billions of dollars that could have been saved. Oh well, we voted for him, er, wait, someone did.
This is a direct quote from George Sr.'s book, written about his life from '89-'91, titled A World Transformed.
"Trying to eliminate Saddam, extending the ground war into an occupation of Iraq, would have violated our guideline about not changing objectives in midstream, engaging in "mission creep", and would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible. We had been unable to find Noriega in Panama, which we knew intimately. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. The coalition would instantly have collapsed, the Arabs deserting it in anger and other allies pulling out as well. Under those circumstances, there was no viable "exit-strategy" we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been self-consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations' mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression that we had hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land. It would have been a dramatically different-and perhaps barren-outcome."
President George H.W. Bush (Sr.)
Subject: Fwd: to funny not to share! GOP Convention
Date: Thu, 2 Sep 2004 08:58:13 -0700 (PDT)
GOP Convention Schedule
DAY 1
6:00pm - Opening prayer
6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon
7:00pm - Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm - Additional prayers
7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton
8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay
8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton
8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader Kaiser Permanente
9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm - Presentation of $1.4 billion Halliburton Contribution to Republican party
9:30pm - Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"
9:45pm - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm - Cheney tells Ron Reagan, Jr. to go f**k himself
10:15pm - Recall of troops from invasion of South Korea (Bush: "My bad.")
10:30pm - Burning at stake of 16 yr-old Jenny Williams, who had illegal abortion after being raped by cousin
10:45pm - Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm - Stoning of partner of homosexual
11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45pm - Thank God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm - Closing prayers (until 2:00am)
2:00 am - Hookers arrive for delegates
Day 2
6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM - Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM - break for secret meetings
10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM - Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condaleeza Rice
10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
10:50 PM - Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme PlanetaryOverlord (GOP Candidate)
Here's a funny movie clip with Will Ferrell: WhiteHouseWest.com
Subject: Re: jay Leno on Bush Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2004 13:32:55 -0500
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb?
The Answer is SEVEN:
1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced
2. one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,
3. one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,
4. one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,
5. one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,
6. one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,
7. and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.
Urban Legond
Wash with warm water.
Use mild soap.
Dry flat.
Do not use bleach.
Do not dry in the dryer.
Do not iron.
We are sorry that Our President is an idiot.
We did not vote for him.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_anti_bush_label.htm
if this link is broken, see the image here at Pray for Peace - click here
Try it out - Hours of fun!
George-Says.com
Subject: REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, 2004
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A drain on our nation's economy.
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton piqata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
EmoGame.com/BushGame.html The Anti-Bush Online Adventure Game
Surrealist.org has acquired two new [to us] joke jpgs:
"The REAL 19 Hijackers" and "The Bush Family Criminal Empire"
Date:../2004 14:46:44 EDT
"THEY KEEP TALKING ABOUT DRAFTING A CONSTITUTION FOR IRAQ. WHY DON'T WE JUST GIVE THEM OURS? IT WAS WRITTEN BY A LOT OF REALLY SMART GUYS, IT'S WORKED FOR OVER 200 YEARS AND HELL, WE'RE NOT USING IT ANYMORE."
Subject: Fwd: FW: DUBYA IN THE AFTERLIFE
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2004 19:53:43 -0800
While walking down the street one day, George "Dubya" Bush is struck by a large wheel of cheese that fell out the cargo door of SwissAir, flight 119.
Sadly, George does not make it. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, we seldom see Republicans around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Dubya.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He says you have to spend one day in hell and one day in heaven. Then you choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in heaven."
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. There is a Texas-style barbecue featuring cloned cattle and genetically engineered corn.
Standing in the crowd are his dad and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years: Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Brasser. Everyone is laughing, happy, casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of tree huggers and liberals. They play a friendly game of golf.
The devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink and says, Have a BIG milk shake and relax, Dubya!"
"Uh, I'm watching my weight," says George, sadly.
"This is hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from here!" says Satan.
Dubya takes the shake and finds himself liking the devil, who is a very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he's in heaven again and St. Peter says: "Now it's time to visit heaven."
So for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured animal rights activists, people who enjoy each other's company, talking about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a prank or frat-boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the broccoli and tofu tastes great, it's not steak. It's organic soy milk shakes and veggie burgers. And these people are all poor; he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special! Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and a day in heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this - I mean, heaven has been delightful and all - but I really think I belong in hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell. The doors of the elevator open, and he finds himself in the middle of barren, scorched earth covered with leaking 55-gallon drums of Roundup-Ready herbicides, garbage and toxic industrial waste . . . kind of like Gary, Indiana.
He is horrified to see all of his friends dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the industrial waste with teaspoons, and putting it in black bags. They groan and moan in pain, faces and hands black with open sores, boils, and sooty grime. Then Lucifer comes over to Bush and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate a Texas barbecue. We had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody seems miserable!"
The devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us."
Dishonest Dubya Lying Action Figure - He lies like a bastard! With Pretzel-Retching Action, by FraudCo
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 9:56 AM
Subject: Remedy
Importance: High
To start the day rightly:
Instructions
1. Open a new file in your PC
2. Name it "George W. Bush"
3. Send it to the trash
4. Empty the trash
5. Your PC will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of George W. Bush?"
6. Answer calmly "Yes" pressing firmly on the mouse's button
Doctors recommend that you not repeat the operation until you have waited six hours because there is a risk of addiction...
The teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living and they all gave typical answers: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer etc.
David, however, was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."
Clearly shaken, the teacher hurriedly set the other children to work and took little David aside to ask him: "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class."
X-Ray Bush
From: "Russ Michael"
Subject: ***Confidential letter from George Bush***
Date: 28 Jan 2003
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461
DEAR SIR / MADAM,
I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.
I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. (CIA)
IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.
MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.
MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER.
UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.
WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE.
OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER..
I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (IRS) WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL.
I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.
I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.
SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,
GEORGE WALKER BUSH
Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
president@whitehouse.gov
Subject: MEMO TO THE FAA
Date: June 2002
Dear Sirs:
I've had a lot of time on my hands of late and believe that I may have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time we just might get the Airline industry back on its feet.
Here's my plan:
Since Muslim men are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all of our flight attendants with naked females. Muslims would not then board our planes for fear of seeing a naked woman. Of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in anticipation of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would probably have record sales. Hell, I'd fly all over just for the scenery.
It truly puzzles me that our Republican Congress didn't already come up with this. Am I the only one who thinks clearly on these issues?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
It turns out that it was all just a case of bad cellular.
The Arthur Andersen partner was on his cell phone when he said, "Ship the Enron documents to the Feds," but his secretary heard, "rip the Enron documents to shreds."
Should have used Sprint PCS.
index of Bush jokes at this site
