Email Correspondence
between Nori (webmaster) and "-ex"
27 Dec. 00 - 02 Jan. 01
ex-3H0 kid writes:
hi there.
I'm an adult ex-3HO kid. i would really like to connect with you and perhaps some of your survivor kids. everyone's a little secretive and concerned about their privacy, and a little afraid obviously, so it has been real hard for me to connect with people.
several kids feel the way i do, but are concerned about privicy issues and do not know what the right thing to do is at this point.
I've been out for as long as I was in, but I haven't gone a single day without it ruining my life and neither have many others who I love dearly.
thank you
-ex
Nori writes:
Dear ex,
thank you for contacting me. I just got home from a long trip, or would have answered sooner. I have a friend who is an ex-yogibhajan devotee who told me of the current situation at the schools in India. It seemed to me that what was happening in iskcon in the 1980s is currently going on in 3h0 now. Check this website. I think a lot of this is her writing: http://rickross.com/groups/3ho.html If there's anything I can do for you, please ask.
Sincerely,
Nori
ex-3H0 kid writes:
hello nori,
i am aware of rick ross, and have looked at all he has available. nothing he had available was new to me. he had a lot of information which will be helpful to sorting all this stuff out. and I've ordered your book from the bookstore. my motivation for contacting you or other kids who went through similar processes was mainly to gain some perspective. what sorts of things did they find most helpful to recover etc? all that stuff went on back then and I think does still go on now, though I think the beating stuff is toned down these days. I don't know much about the details of the current school.
thanks,
-ex
Nori writes:
there's not that much healing taking place among the iskcon kids anymore. What healing there was came in the early 1990s when some of the oldest among the kids began publishing newsletters to expose what happened in the schools and holding reunions. After about 1996, the organization stepped in, took control and pretty much ended any possibility of the kids getting on their feet. That's why the only healing I've seen lately has come from individuals getting away from the org., and in some cases joining the lawsuit against iskcon. Many individuals have come to grips with it and walked away. But going back around the temples is still very painful. Kids who still support the organization tend to treat the other ones as scapegoats. It's really sad. Any ideas?
-nori
ex-3H0 kid writes:
well, I'm one who walked away and decided not to live that way (the 3ho/sikh way). I'd say a little less then half of us kids have done the same. the rest are still part of it, happily and willingly, or so it seems. there are some who are very damaged and don't really believe, but stay in this in between space where they won't break away (due to parents or lack of knowledge of anything else) but they also won't really be part of the organization.
mere exposure hasn't done anything within the organization, everybody knows at least of some incidents, and I had tried numerous times to talk to influential people to get them to change they way they took care (or didn't) of the kids. and it is a confusing thing because the people I talked to are in the cult, and therefore not capable of making changes to better the organization. I have always been open about my feelings and thoughts and about my experiences, but for the most part it always fell on deaf ears. there were those of us who got the worst end of the stick who left and spent a lot of wasted years trying to get over it. there are those of us who try to look back and say it was for the better because we are strong and it gave us grit (i don't know how true that is...i think just because you survive something doesn't make you strong, in fact the scars that things can leave behind can make one far weaker than they may know).
i think in a way it has been good to know that the things I went through are not unique or specific to me, it makes me realize that there are just mean people out there who just don't care that they are ruining lives. and really that's their problem. i think it's adults responsibility and parents responsibility to protect children from these people, but there are plenty of horror stories that confirm that that doesn't always happen.
anyhow, as far as healing goes, we are committed to doing whatever we can to live normal lives and be happy and relaxed. I just began treatment for post traumatic stress, which I hope will give me some tools to deal with my past. I don't know what it will come to for us . . . just because from what I know people either want to say it was ok, or people won't talk about it or even remember it. whenever I meet up with a kid on the edge, or in between, I always give them my contact info, they rarely get ahold of me though. no one really realizes that it is a cult. and growing up in it, we always thought it was normal, and we thought how we were treated was normal. except for the really bad stuff. no one could call that normal, yet nothing was done, so it must have at least been ok.
it is very difficult to tell where the kids stand. it's difficult to hang out with people who are still sikhs. I won't go because the people who go are all still sikhs and want to celebrate our profound and unique and wonderful childhood and talk about when they are going to send their kids to india. i can't stand it. I keep better tabs with people who like me have left. but even to be around these people is sometimes hard, you have to look at everything in the face. they were the people who stood by and watched sometimes. you had to accept it. majority rules.
i would say the best first step for any kid in my situation is to chuck the whole ball of wax. nothing you were taught was real. education is a great way to expose yourself to the real world (which really ain't a whole hell of a lot better, but at least one can gain perspective). my friends have been very supportive. so there is one place people can look to for help if they have decent relatives. and to each other. some of my closest friends are family to me because they don't have any real family.
i think it is good for the krishna kids to know that it happened to us too, and they are not alone, and that we hope they win. and more then that we hope they are ok. in a way it is a relief to be able to finally explain my problems, to have them validated, and to be proud of myself for not relinquishing control of my life to them. somehow I broke the wall down, and that has made it crumble for others as well.
the biggest issue for me is overwhelming sadness. sadness that there are people who are evil, that anyone let them get near us and the other kids, sadness that no one stopped it, no one stood up for us. and sadness that my parents were so fully duped. and I am angry that the leaders got away with everything. and i guess these are the things I'll have to come to grips with. I am not willing to wallow in the pain of the past. if I have to stay here on this planet, i want to have fun and enjoy myself and not carry the weight of this around with me everywhere I go. part of releasing that weight has been by being honest with my friends and even co-workers and acquaintances about my past. it reinforces the fact that I don't have to be ashamed, and that it wasn't my fault.
this is only the beginning of the end of my journey through this stuff, so I am not able to offer much in terms of ideas. I think there is no hope for individuals still in these organizations, unfortunately the only way I've seen anything positive happen is when people leave of their own accord. there is no such thing as exposing this within the organization, they all either believe that these were distinct incidents where the kid must have done something to deserve it (they really do think this), or they think that you have bad karma, or they think the only way to get over it is to pray to god and guru and meditate and do yoga, or they think you are just a negative person who can't see anything positive. a very strong brick wall.
so, personally I am dealing with things as best I can, hoping that I don't have to remember anything worse than what I already do, and trying to finish writing it all down. thanks again,
-ex
Nori writes:
I completely agree with you about grit. My family of origin has certain dysfunctional things, which they tend to laugh off. But some of us are more sensitive than others and I could certainly have gotten by in life without all their mistakes and neglect that they wrote off as "making me stronger." I believe kids need love and boundaries. Less crazy making, less violence, less hypocricy.
Anyway, due to Sigmund Freud, parents are seldom wrong and kids get victimized. In my new manuscript i talk about Freud's part in carrying forward the victorian era.* i also agree with you about being around the people & places of the group. It always stares me in the face & I start doing behaviors that I learned in the group, like submitting to authority, the "party line," overlooking the scars of abuse, and so on. Or, conversely, I I become bitter and angry. I'm also working on my post traumatic stress disorder. Or ogre, as it is.
-nori
* Manuscript now on line at this site click here.
Resources
Click here for more child abuse information.
Betrayal
of Innocence: Incest and Its Devastation, by Susan Forward and Craig Buck. The
most useful book on childhood abuse.
Breaking Down the
Wall of Silence, by Alice Miller.
Thou Shalt Not
Be Aware, Society's Betrayal of the Child, by Alice Miller.
A Cult Survivor's Handbook, by Nori Muster (at this site).
Find more books at the Surrealist Bookshop
Following is a note from a friend that offers more resources for anyone interested ~Nori
We are a group of former 3ho adults who participate in a Delphi internet forum called x3ho Conversations. I would like to invite transitioning or former 3ho kids and young adults to come visit the forum.
Here's the URL http://forums.delphiforums.com/xConversations/start
There are former Sikhs who participate, but also people who have remained Sikh after 3ho. Some of our discussions are about the abuses found in 3ho, others are about Sikhism and spirituality.
The atmosphere on our forum is hospitable and accepting. No one is allowed to flame or attack. We do not tolerate 'outing' of private identities either.
You can read anonymously on the Conversations site by logging in as 'guest'. If you want to post on the site you have to log in with a user name. The user name can be a made-up name. When you register with Delphi (free) you just make one up for use on their forums.
Please give us a visit and check out the forum. We would welcome your participation.
Thank you, SatSelf (forum moderator)
